Next time you find yourself talking about another person, honestly assess whether you are speaking positively or negatively about that person. Sometimes we may even say that are intentions are not to speak poorly of someone while we are speaking poorly of them. If you realize that you are not speaking positively about another, simply stop speaking negatively about them and honestly assess the motives behind your words. You’ll notice that I have used the word honestly more than once. It is not always easy to see our true motives and even when get a glimpse of them, we don’t always want to probe deeper as it can be difficult to face our impure motives.

Speaking negatively about other people contradicts our spiritual way of living. It goes against the natural order of connection between people. Negativity in any form is usually damaging to our spiritual and psychological states. Speaking negatively of others creates a separation between us and our fellows and emphasizes our self-centeredness, both of which can be damaging to our spiritual and psychological states.

Not speaking negatively about others would seem to be an easy practice once we recognize that we’re doing it. All we need to do is stop talking bad about others, simple, right? This is another of those simple but not easy practices. Once you become aware of just how often you speak poorly of others and discover your motives for doing so, I think you’ll be surprised as to just how often you do this to inflate your self by criticizing another’s character. It may not be so easy to stop knocking others when your motives for doing so are to inflate our own egos. If you find this change difficult and you continue to talk negatively about others, despite your efforts, do not be discouraged. Keep trying and continue your general spiritual practice as the healthier we are spiritually and psychologically, the less we will need to inflate our egos and the easier it will become not to speak poorly of others.

At first this will likely feel a bit artificial because it probably is artificial. But isn’t that the way with so much of what we newly learn? When we begin a new job, try to learn a new language, learn to play an instrument or learn how to use a computer for the first time, we may at first feel awkward and frustrated as the task we are trying to perform is not yet comfortable for us. But as time passes we become more comfortable as what was once new to us is now natural. The more we smile, the more natural smiling becomes until we become that happy person who is always smiling.

Smiling as we’re speaking to another person makes the experience of speaking with us more pleasant for that person. Have you ever spoke to a person who appears miserable? I would rather be around a happy person than a miserable one and smiling is a sign of happiness. We are also more approachable when we‘re smiling and smiling attracts smiles. Of course, I realize that this simple technique of smiling is not going to solve all of your spiritual and psychological problems but it can help, even if only a little I am also not suggesting that you stuff all of your problems, ignore them and hide them with a smile. Smiling more is just a simple way that can help you to better communicate with others while becoming a little happier yourself.

By taking a deep breath in and then exhaling prior to speaking to others, we calm ourselves. Then, by consciously smiling we are reminding ourselves to speak nicely and pleasantly. Hopefully, after doing this for a while it will become natural to speak pleasantly and with kindness. This technique can be especially helpful when we are angry as speaking with anger is usually wrong and not beneficial to anyone. Smiling before we speak to those closest to us is also very important, as we may be so comfortable with them that we may not think before we talk and we may not use our built-in public edit button, which results in our loved ones getting the brunt of our harsh speech.

You can implement this practice immediately without much thought. Try it…smile right now. Are you smiling? As you remember to smile before you speak to someone, even the dog, you cannot help but be reminded that you are smiling so that you will speak pleasantly and with kindness.

Fellowship, that’s the pattern. “A problem shared is a problem lessened”, so the saying goes. It is comforting to know that we’re not alone, that others can relate to our feelings and our struggles. We do not always need professionals to help us with our problems. Sometimes, the best medicine is each other. Now, I am not telling you to stop taking your medication or to stop seeing your shrink, so take it easy But, there must be a reason that there are so many successful support groups available to us. It’s because they work. I can’t speak for every support or church group out there, but I do know that fellowship has its benefits and can help us in ways that we cannot help ourselves.

There are many twelve step support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, which has been proven to work for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of alcoholics’ world wide. This program is based on AA’s Twelve Steps which are basically a set of fantastic spiritual principles to help put down the drink and live a healthy, happy, spiritual life. There are countless church groups available to us, many Christian based, many not and these groups are bound by their own particular set of beliefs and spiritual principles, typically Bible based. There are Weight Watchers groups which teach those looking to lose weight how to eat properly while offering group support. These sorts of groups and organizations not only offer fellowship but a main text or method on which the group or organization is based.

There are other support groups, as mentioned earlier, such as grief support and illness support that may not offer any main text on which the group is based but simply fellowship, support and a place where we can express ourselves. There are online support groups for the loss of a pet. These are a place where we can share our loss with those who understand our feelings and who can help us get through the difficult time from a place of experience. These groups allow us to help each other in ways that only someone who has walked in your shoes can. It is powerful and inspirational to see someone struggle with a situation in which you can relate and then see that person successfully work through that situation.

Much of spiritual growth needs to be achieved by our own willingness and desire. No one can give us that. But, once we have that desire, belonging to a group or organization of people, who share in our beliefs and have the same or similar goals, can be extremely beneficial to our growth. We learn from each other. We hear each others ideas and beliefs and can incorporate them into our own practice, if we see fit. Without outside stimuli, all we have are our own thoughts, going around and around in our minds. We need others words and ideas to inspire ourselves, whether it be through books, sites such as this or face to face. But this topic is about the importance of fellowship and the personal interaction with others and the connection necessary to help facilitate change within ourselves.

So, I have a few suggestions. I strongly encourage participation in the comment forum on this site as a way to interact, relate and help one another. You could join a church group, if there is one that shares your beliefs or if you’re comfortable, one in which you could conform your beliefs to fit those of the church. You could also check the section of your local newspaper that lists various support or social groups to see if one sounds appealing to you and you could check it out. If you are struggling with a specific problem or situation, you could find the corresponding help group and join. What do you have to lose? Remember, there will be much that you will need to do by yourself, within the confines of your own mind, body and spirit but there is also much to be gained from the influence, support and inspiration of others, perhaps most importantly, the opportunity to help them. May you be happy and at peace.

Many years ago, I found other reasons to shut myself off from the world. I might have been depressed or usually, it was some form of protection device to keep from being hurt. I figured if I wasn’t around other people then I couldn’t be hurt by other people. Makes sense in a vacuum, but not in this life. By shutting myself off from other people, I was missing out on the social connections necessary to maintain spiritual, mental and emotional balance. Apparently I was a bit too sensitive to feel safe at times socially and perhaps I needed to stay away from certain people and situations until I felt strong enough. Through many years of spiritual and psychological work, indicative of the information on this site, I no longer have a need for such protection and am almost never depressed, even through, what others may perceive as, very difficult times. I haven’t needed to shut myself from the world for many years, which is good, because as I said, it damages the spirit.

As made apparent in the opening paragraph, we can unintentionally stifle our social life as well, by our lifestyle choices which can have a negative affect on our spiritual, mental and emotional conditions. Being reminded of what affect a lack of social interaction can have and what that feels like, was a good learning experience for me. Sometimes changes in our lives and schedules will require us to in turn make changes to see that we are properly addressing our needs. Human beings need human contact, plain and simple. So, get out of the house, go to the store, a movie or the park. Sometimes you may not even need to say more than a few words to someone but just being in public with others can do wonders for the spirit. Of course, we also need to interact and socialize with family and/or friends on a more personal level.

If you truly are alone and do not have family or friends, it’s time to do some footwork. Join a group or a club. There are groups for everything these days. You could join a church group or volunteer at a hospital or senior home. There are plenty of opportunities to get out there and meet people. I am not telling you that this will be easy at first, in fact it may be rather awkward but we all have to be the new person sometime.

This post touched on who I used to be many years ago and felt more personal to write than most other posts. I hope it helps at least one person feel better and improve their life. That should make the post worth writing. May you be happy and at peace.