When we have a low self-esteem we typically do not have much compassion for ourselves which translates to us using the proverbial bat to beat ourselves for our mistakes or even our humanism. We are all human and therefore make mistakes or act in ways that we later realize were not for the best. This is a normal part of the human condition. A low self-esteem however, may not allow such imperfections without berating ourselves for our actions.

The building of self-esteem may take some time. There is a good chance that it took years to develop a low self-esteem so it only makes sense that it may take years to reverse the damage. The good news is that it can be reversed through spiritual and psychological practice. One of the benefits of practicing the principles set forth on this site is the development of self-esteem. Many of my posts make suggestions as to other forms of self-help as well, that you may find useful. One very important method for aiding in self-improvement is to attend psychotherapy with a good therapist. Good is a word not to be ignored here. I’ll let you read the other posts for yourself to pick up additional self-help resources

As you continue on your quest for happiness by practicing spiritual and psychological principles, your self-esteem should improve. As with many of our difficulties, there may not be one simple answer to fix our problems but rather a combination of principles will most likely prove to be successful.

One way to ward off that bat is to learn to have compassion for your self. I wrote a couple of posts about compassion and self-acceptance that I would suggest reading. There is no point in repeating myself here Here’s some information that you may not want to hear… low self-esteem is a side effect of extreme self-centeredness. Really, it’s true although it may be difficult to see at the moment. But don’t worry, the more you work on your spirituality, the smaller your self will become. Most of our problems stem from an inflated sense of self and can be remedied by practicing spiritual and psychological principles. I have written many posts about this self too. As I said, many of the posts on this site will aid you in the development of self-esteem so I suggest reading them all while incorporating the principles discussed into your life, developing your own spiritual and psychological practice. If you have a low self-esteem, there is a good chance that it will remain unless you do some work. So, what are you waiting for?

I talk a lot on this site about living in the moment and being with the way it is. Being fully present in the here and now is certainly conducive to peace and happiness. However, there are many who are unhappy with themselves and spiritually and psychologically unhealthy so that being with this moment means being with these unpleasant conditions as well.

Despite that we may not like this moment, it is still the place to be. We cannot correct our deficiencies unless we deal with them as they exist in this moment. Don’t misunderstand, we may require years of psychotherapy so that we can look at our pasts so as to learn why we are the way we are so that we can begin healing. We may need to do a thorough inventory of ourselves, logging our wrongs and investigating why we did the things we did. The point is that we will at times need to look back so that we can improve upon ourselves today.

For those of you who cannot bear this moment because of your own shortcomings and deficiencies, there is some work to be done so that this moment can be a place of refuge for you. It’s difficult to explain to someone who does not understand how it feels not to be comfortable in your own skin. To be so unhappy and miserable inside that this moment is difficult to tolerate. If you can relate to this, you are not alone and I believe that there is most likely a way out of the pain, providing that you truly want to change. I wrote a post called Self Acceptance that will be a good place to start. This entire site is designed to help people be happy and all of the posts on this site will help you to feel better about yourself, your life and therefore, this moment. I do not have one magic answer to make this moment tolerable for you. Unfortunately, it may take time for you to begin to like yourself or to be spiritually and psychologically healthy enough so that the present moment is a comfortable place for you.

I do know that if you do not try to improve yourself or you quit this spiritual journey that you have begun, you will almost certainly not progress towards the peace and happiness you so desire. Remember that you are not alone in your struggles. Many others, including me, are also on the same or a similar path as you. I was once miserable and at times could not bear life or myself. Just a reminder, in case you haven’t noticed yet, I am an extremely happy, grateful and contented person today and have been for many years. There is hope as happiness and peace are possible just as long as we work for them. I wish you the same happiness and peace that I know in this moment.

When we act in ways that we know we should not, we trigger a series of negative feelings and thoughts. We may become angry with ourselves and although we may be aware that we are angry, we may not realize why we are and then we subject others to our anger. That’s not really fair to the rest of the world, is it? We do something stupid and everyone else has to suffer. We also lose our self-respect and we can no longer trust ourselves. How can we trust ourselves when we continue to do things that we know we shouldn’t do? When we cannot trust ourselves, what do you think happens to our trust in others? Again, others suffer because of our bad behaviors. It is unpleasant not to be trusted, especially when it’s not warranted and the lack of trust has more to do with the other person’s issues as opposed to anything we may have done. Let’s not forget our self-esteem or self-worth. Not feeling good about ourselves sets off a domino affect of negative and unhealthy feelings, attitudes and behaviors of which I could write pages.

All this and more, because we behave in ways that we should not. I am not saying that every little thing that you knowingly do wrong will set off such a negative chain of events, but that little thing may be one of those dominoes.

I believe we were shaped by the environment in which we grew up and our genes. We cannot change either one of those but we can change the person we have become emotionally and spiritually into a different person, a better person, if we choose. Many of the posts on this site deal with accepting life’s challenges that may typically cause suffering or pain. Here we are working with suffering created by our own actions and feelings. Having a good self-esteem plays an important role in our happiness and peace. We can immediately begin to feel better about ourselves by not doing those things that make us feel bad. So think about your behaviors and actions that you don’t like and try to change them. If doing something makes you feel bad, don’t do it. This may not be as easy as it sounds. It may take more time than you had hoped. You may also make the behavioral correction and have a set-back where you again do whatever it is that you do, that makes you feel bad. Try not to be discouraged, none of us is perfect. Life isn’t always all or nothing, get yourself back on track and keep trying.

Some behaviors may not be easily fixable and change may come more as a result of years of spiritual practice or professional psychotherapy. From my experience, changing certain behaviors requires diligence, extreme effort and patience. There was no magic answer. There wasn’t anything anyone else could do for me. I had to be sick and tired of a behavior and I had to be the one to modify that behavior, to stop doing the thing that made me feel bad.

We can certainly help our own cause on the road to happiness by simply not doing things that make us feel bad. If behaving in some way makes us feel bad, then that should tell us that we are probably doing something wrong. Happiness will naturally develop as a result of right-living.