- Life is as good or bad as I make it. I always have blessings, whether or not I choose to see them is entirely up to me.

- It’s fascinating just how happy & at peace I am when I am not consumed with me, myself & I.

-When I’m consumed with self, I’m consumed with self-centered fear, which ruins everything. No self, no self-centered fear. Simple really.

- So, it would seem that we need to eliminate this self so that we can be free from fear & at peace. Simple deduction

- No fear, know peace
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- Someone once told me that my life was none of my business.

- If you want to feel good, don’t do things that make you feel bad.

- If you want to change, you have to change.

When we have a low self-esteem we typically do not have much compassion for ourselves which translates to us using the proverbial bat to beat ourselves for our mistakes or even our humanism. We are all human and therefore make mistakes or act in ways that we later realize were not for the best. This is a normal part of the human condition. A low self-esteem however, may not allow such imperfections without berating ourselves for our actions.

The building of self-esteem may take some time. There is a good chance that it took years to develop a low self-esteem so it only makes sense that it may take years to reverse the damage. The good news is that it can be reversed through spiritual and psychological practice. One of the benefits of practicing the principles set forth on this site is the development of self-esteem. Many of my posts make suggestions as to other forms of self-help as well, that you may find useful. One very important method for aiding in self-improvement is to attend psychotherapy with a good therapist. Good is a word not to be ignored here. I’ll let you read the other posts for yourself to pick up additional self-help resources

As you continue on your quest for happiness by practicing spiritual and psychological principles, your self-esteem should improve. As with many of our difficulties, there may not be one simple answer to fix our problems but rather a combination of principles will most likely prove to be successful.

One way to ward off that bat is to learn to have compassion for your self. I wrote a couple of posts about compassion and self-acceptance that I would suggest reading. There is no point in repeating myself here Here’s some information that you may not want to hear… low self-esteem is a side effect of extreme self-centeredness. Really, it’s true although it may be difficult to see at the moment. But don’t worry, the more you work on your spirituality, the smaller your self will become. Most of our problems stem from an inflated sense of self and can be remedied by practicing spiritual and psychological principles. I have written many posts about this self too. As I said, many of the posts on this site will aid you in the development of self-esteem so I suggest reading them all while incorporating the principles discussed into your life, developing your own spiritual and psychological practice. If you have a low self-esteem, there is a good chance that it will remain unless you do some work. So, what are you waiting for?

If we could eliminate this self-centeredness or self that we posses we would be able to relate to others and the world in which we live with kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and serenity. When we are disturbed in some way by other people or the way the world and our lives are unfolding, it is a result of our personal desires, ambitions or possessions being threatened. But what about that rude cashier at grocery store who disturbs you just because you don’t like his/her attitude? What desire, ambition or possession could they possibly threaten to cause you to be disturbed? Even in such a case, we are disturbed because of our self. When there is something about a person that rubs you the wrong way or you don’t like how someone treats you, that person is disturbing your peace and happiness. They in fact are not behaving as you would desire them to behave and as a result, they disturb you. So understand, that our desires may be subtle but they are many and can be almost constant, if you are very selfish

So, through the right spiritual and psychological practice, we can reduce our self-centeredness thereby reducing our sensitivity to that which may otherwise disturb us. When we reduce the self we are no longer so interested in what we desire and our personal desires will be replaced with outgoing kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and we will be serene. We will be in a place where we want to understand and help others as opposed to being worried about our own wants and needs. Coming from this place, can you see how a reduction of self-centeredness can help you to better relate and interact with others?

So just how do we reduce our self-centeredness? Most, if not all of the posts on this site are designed to reduce our self-centeredness through spiritual and psychological practice. There is not one in particular that I can recommend as this reduction of self is a process and will not likely occur immediately as the result of performing one task. I would suspect that you will see gradual results over time through rigorous spiritual practice. I will tell you that a good place to begin is by developing faith in a Higher Power. Much of our self-centeredness manifests as self-centered fear which is why we become disturbed when our desires, ambitions and possessions are being threatened. Simply put, we are afraid that we will lose what we have or not get what we want. Since faith in a Higher Power eliminates fear in general, it will also eliminate or reduce our self-centered fear, which constitutes much of our self-centeredness. Get it? Why not go do something for someone else today with no thought whatsoever of what you want? Much of our change occurs by acting our way into right thinking, not thinking our way into right acting.

Our problems stem from an overwhelming sense of self so anything we can do to diminish this self will prove to be beneficial to our spiritual, mental and emotional conditions. In the scenario in the opening paragraph, I describe peace as being the result of realizing just how small we really are. We experience all types of trials and tribulations and pain and suffering in this life as a result of being attached to this self. We get upset when we don’t get our way whether we lose something that we posses or we do not get something that we want. This we, or more importantly I in the first person, is the cause of our pain and suffering. I want this or I want that, I don’t like this or I don’t like that. I don’t feel good, I am sad or I am angry, I am hungry, I am tired, I don’t like my job, I don’t like my spouse, I want a new car, I want more money… I, I, I.

What if there was no I? Who then would experience the unpleasantness, the pain and the suffering of this life? Think about it…

Can you understand why the less importance we put on our self, the happier we become? Most if not all of the posts on this site can help you to reduce your sense of self. I will continue to write about self and ways in which we can learn to let go of it. Go outside alone on the next clear night and look up at the moon and stars for a while. Don’t rush back inside, take it all in, relax and breathe.

Self…that’s the answer. Do you feel disappointed, enlightened or indifferent? Stay with me now because that is the answer, whether you want to hear it or not doesn’t change that simple fact. What is it that gets angry, sad, jealous, etc. and why? Try this experiment using every negative character trait or feeling listed above and any other one that you can think of, asking yourself this question: Why was I …(example: angry)? Plug in any negative feeling or trait that you have possessed and recall a time when you had the experience or maybe you’re experiencing one of them right now If you look honestly and keep this simple, you’ll see that all of these negative conditions can be attributed to our self-centeredness. It’s this self, our own personal interests, that causes us to experience such conditions, to be unhappy.

Simply put, when we do not get our way we upset. Whether it’s losing something or someone or not getting something that we want, we react with any number of negative character traits. Buddhism teaches Anata, or the absence of self, suggesting that this self is actually a manifestation of the mind, that it’s not real and that a root cause of our suffering is ignorance of this fact. This gets deep and could take years to comprehend so I will not go into it here but feel free to visit buddhanet.net as a source for unanswered questions and information about Buddhism.

I have yet to meet anyone without a sense of self. As a society, we actually have come to believe that having a strong sense of self is good. Although I understand what is implied by this and its benefits, having a strong sense of self can be detrimental to our well-being. So just how then do we feel good about ourselves while simultaneously letting go of this self that is the root of our internal troubles?

I will continue to specifically explore this topic in other posts. However, all of the posts on this site are dedicated to helping you achieve happy and contented lives and are thus all interconnected. I wrote a post called Letting Go that I would recommend reading. It deals with self-centered fear, perhaps the most significant of all character flaws in the sense that many of our other negative traits can be attributed to self-centered fear.