You may need to discipline Billy somewhat since he is at your house without us at times. So that you may better understand & apply the same principles while he is in your care, here’s the way I want Billy to be raised, keeping in mind the methods must be age appropriate.

I do not believe in punishment for most, if not all people, I believe in consequences. I want Billy to learn that there are consequences for his actions in this life.

I do not want Billy to grow up afraid of anything. He can learn to be cautious & wise in situations where he can be harmed but he does not need to be afraid.

I want to encourage him to learn to do the right thing not because he is afraid to do wrong but simply because it is right. I want him to learn that doing right feels better than doing wrong. I believe that living in this way will build more character & self-esteem than simply not doing things for fear of repercussion. It’s an overall more positive way to live.

I do not want him to be afraid of me. I hope he respects me, not fears me. If he is afraid of me then I am doing something wrong.

I do not want to yell at him & most definitely, hitting or spanking is completely unacceptable. Violence & anger breeds violence & anger. I do not need to yell or act in anger when teaching him right from wrong, proper manners or giving him a consequence for his actions.

I want him to be aware of his actions & learn to apologize & make amends when wrong. He, perhaps more importantly, needs to know how proud we are of him & is to be praised for behaving well.

Acceptance is the way to peace and happiness and the answer to our problems. We must try to convey this to him not just with words but more importantly by example. He can learn to freak out, cry, and get angry, scream, yell, etc. when something does not go his way or he can learn to accept life as it comes with serenity. There is no better way to teach this than by example. So, please try not to react negatively, in anger or hostility around him when something doesn’t go your way or for any other reason. By acting in such ways, you would only be teaching him to cope with life in the same manner.

Please do not freak out if he spills something or dents a wall. These are not things worth being upset about. I want to teach him to be neat, clean & take care of his things but I want him to know that these sorts of material concerns are not what are most important in this life & are not worth being upset about.

I want him to be around positive, happy people and energy. Example is one of the greatest teachers. He is a child and any negative behavior he is exposed to can affect him for many years to come. I hope this helps.

At first this will likely feel a bit artificial because it probably is artificial. But isn’t that the way with so much of what we newly learn? When we begin a new job, try to learn a new language, learn to play an instrument or learn how to use a computer for the first time, we may at first feel awkward and frustrated as the task we are trying to perform is not yet comfortable for us. But as time passes we become more comfortable as what was once new to us is now natural. The more we smile, the more natural smiling becomes until we become that happy person who is always smiling.

Smiling as we’re speaking to another person makes the experience of speaking with us more pleasant for that person. Have you ever spoke to a person who appears miserable? I would rather be around a happy person than a miserable one and smiling is a sign of happiness. We are also more approachable when we‘re smiling and smiling attracts smiles. Of course, I realize that this simple technique of smiling is not going to solve all of your spiritual and psychological problems but it can help, even if only a little I am also not suggesting that you stuff all of your problems, ignore them and hide them with a smile. Smiling more is just a simple way that can help you to better communicate with others while becoming a little happier yourself.

By taking a deep breath in and then exhaling prior to speaking to others, we calm ourselves. Then, by consciously smiling we are reminding ourselves to speak nicely and pleasantly. Hopefully, after doing this for a while it will become natural to speak pleasantly and with kindness. This technique can be especially helpful when we are angry as speaking with anger is usually wrong and not beneficial to anyone. Smiling before we speak to those closest to us is also very important, as we may be so comfortable with them that we may not think before we talk and we may not use our built-in public edit button, which results in our loved ones getting the brunt of our harsh speech.

You can implement this practice immediately without much thought. Try it…smile right now. Are you smiling? As you remember to smile before you speak to someone, even the dog, you cannot help but be reminded that you are smiling so that you will speak pleasantly and with kindness.

If we could eliminate this self-centeredness or self that we posses we would be able to relate to others and the world in which we live with kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and serenity. When we are disturbed in some way by other people or the way the world and our lives are unfolding, it is a result of our personal desires, ambitions or possessions being threatened. But what about that rude cashier at grocery store who disturbs you just because you don’t like his/her attitude? What desire, ambition or possession could they possibly threaten to cause you to be disturbed? Even in such a case, we are disturbed because of our self. When there is something about a person that rubs you the wrong way or you don’t like how someone treats you, that person is disturbing your peace and happiness. They in fact are not behaving as you would desire them to behave and as a result, they disturb you. So understand, that our desires may be subtle but they are many and can be almost constant, if you are very selfish

So, through the right spiritual and psychological practice, we can reduce our self-centeredness thereby reducing our sensitivity to that which may otherwise disturb us. When we reduce the self we are no longer so interested in what we desire and our personal desires will be replaced with outgoing kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and we will be serene. We will be in a place where we want to understand and help others as opposed to being worried about our own wants and needs. Coming from this place, can you see how a reduction of self-centeredness can help you to better relate and interact with others?

So just how do we reduce our self-centeredness? Most, if not all of the posts on this site are designed to reduce our self-centeredness through spiritual and psychological practice. There is not one in particular that I can recommend as this reduction of self is a process and will not likely occur immediately as the result of performing one task. I would suspect that you will see gradual results over time through rigorous spiritual practice. I will tell you that a good place to begin is by developing faith in a Higher Power. Much of our self-centeredness manifests as self-centered fear which is why we become disturbed when our desires, ambitions and possessions are being threatened. Simply put, we are afraid that we will lose what we have or not get what we want. Since faith in a Higher Power eliminates fear in general, it will also eliminate or reduce our self-centered fear, which constitutes much of our self-centeredness. Get it? Why not go do something for someone else today with no thought whatsoever of what you want? Much of our change occurs by acting our way into right thinking, not thinking our way into right acting.

Have you ever been afraid to let go of a personal relationship, whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife or even a platonic friendship? Our fears of detaching may be deep rooted and not so easily remedied. Such clinging and obsessive behaviors may appear unseemly to others who do not understand our fears and apparent inability to let go. What can we do to free ourselves of this bondage so that we can be happy?

You may not like my following answer to the question. As I said your fears may be deep rooted and thus require years of psychotherapy to work through. Hopefully though, this time and effort will pay off resulting in a new and improved you, one who no longer hangs on to relationships too long and who can let go gracefully. There may not be a substitute for months or years of hard work with a qualified psychotherapist, that which I am not, so I can’t help you there. Perhaps you could ask your doctor or others whom you trust for a referral. I wouldn’t shop the yellow pages.

There may be another solution or at least an additional solution to your problem with which I can help you to let go of relationships with dignity and grace. If you are presently caught in the prison of obsession and fear then I’m guessing you won’t much want to hear this answer either Faith… you’re lacking faith in a Higher Power. Stay with me now. The reason we have fears is because we do not trust in God or in other words, the way things are. Even if you have deep rooted abandonment issues stemming from when you were a child you could combat them with faith.

Before you can trust in a Higher Power, you’ll need to establish a belief in one, if you haven’t already, and then you’ll need to learn to have faith in that Higher Power. Then, you will be able to let go of your wants, your will and your life and trust in what your Higher or Greater Power has planned for your life. You will be able to gracefully let go of a person or situation because you trust in the way it is, even if the way it is does not include that person with whom you were once involved.

I could go on here but I have written a few other posts about faith and letting go to which I have listed the corresponding links below. I hope you’ll find them helpful and I wish freedom from the bondage of self.

Letting Go
Let’s Talk About God
Get Faith