When we have a low self-esteem we typically do not have much compassion for ourselves which translates to us using the proverbial bat to beat ourselves for our mistakes or even our humanism. We are all human and therefore make mistakes or act in ways that we later realize were not for the best. This is a normal part of the human condition. A low self-esteem however, may not allow such imperfections without berating ourselves for our actions.

The building of self-esteem may take some time. There is a good chance that it took years to develop a low self-esteem so it only makes sense that it may take years to reverse the damage. The good news is that it can be reversed through spiritual and psychological practice. One of the benefits of practicing the principles set forth on this site is the development of self-esteem. Many of my posts make suggestions as to other forms of self-help as well, that you may find useful. One very important method for aiding in self-improvement is to attend psychotherapy with a good therapist. Good is a word not to be ignored here. I’ll let you read the other posts for yourself to pick up additional self-help resources

As you continue on your quest for happiness by practicing spiritual and psychological principles, your self-esteem should improve. As with many of our difficulties, there may not be one simple answer to fix our problems but rather a combination of principles will most likely prove to be successful.

One way to ward off that bat is to learn to have compassion for your self. I wrote a couple of posts about compassion and self-acceptance that I would suggest reading. There is no point in repeating myself here Here’s some information that you may not want to hear… low self-esteem is a side effect of extreme self-centeredness. Really, it’s true although it may be difficult to see at the moment. But don’t worry, the more you work on your spirituality, the smaller your self will become. Most of our problems stem from an inflated sense of self and can be remedied by practicing spiritual and psychological principles. I have written many posts about this self too. As I said, many of the posts on this site will aid you in the development of self-esteem so I suggest reading them all while incorporating the principles discussed into your life, developing your own spiritual and psychological practice. If you have a low self-esteem, there is a good chance that it will remain unless you do some work. So, what are you waiting for?

As I’ve stated many times on this site, I am not a mental health professional and the information that I offer is based on my opinions and experiences. Please read the disclaimer at the bottom of the page for additional information. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on

Just to qualify, I used to be depressed. I was depressed off and on for ten to fifteen years. I am happy to say that I am no longer depressed and have not been for about the same amount of time. I cannot possibly tell you in one post how I eliminated my depression and became a happy person, but don’t worry, there is an answer. First, I must say that if you have a problem with alcohol or others substances, please read my post pertaining to this topic.

If you are depressed I would recommend a good psychotherapist to help you get to the bottom of your problems. You probably won’t need to go forever but this may be a necessary step to eliminating your depression. If you don’t need to be there, hopefully the therapist will let you know. Even if you do not have an overwhelming need to be there, psychotherapy can help you to improve yourself in many ways. In regards to medication, again, I’m no doctor but I believe that anti-depressant meds are overused and unnecessary for many. I am sure that some people may truly require such medication but if you go to a psychiatrist and tell him/her that you are depressed, there is a good chance that you will leave with a script. That’s what they do, they prescribe meds and often without therapy. They’ll meet with you for ten minutes per month and keep writing you scripts. If you ask your family doctor for an antidepressant, with a brief explanation, good chance you’ll get your script there as well. Unless absolutely necessary, I do not believe in taking such meds, even if they help, they are still an easy, temporary way out. Just my opinion

So, after all that, what is the answer? What can you do to eliminate your depression and become happy and content? Read every post on this site, as spiritual and psychological work is the answer. Sorry if that disappoints you, but it’s true for me and many others whom I know. The way out of depression is a process and not typically an overnight matter. Happiness comes gradually as the periods of depression become further apart over time. For some, including me, happiness requires constant effort but the results are certainly well worth the effort.

I have written and will continue to write about spiritual and psychological practices and principles that can help you to rid yourself of depression and aid you in your quest for happiness. Every time I write a post, I reconnect with the principles of which I am writing so, as I hope that my writings help others, as that was the premise of this site, I find that I am helping myself as well. An unexpected but welcomed side effect. These principle really do work and not just for me, but for others as well. You have to begin some place and at some time, why not here and now? Be patient and be vigilant. Practice a little every day. Practicing could be reading a post on this site, going to church or a therapist, volunteering your time to help others, praying or reading a self-help book. In time you will find your way, you will find what works for you. Just get started.

People with alcohol and/or substance abuse problems first need to recognize and admit that they have such a problem. No amount of psychiatric or religious help will be sufficient nor will significant peace and happiness be obtained until the alcohol and/or substance abuse is properly addressed. If you are an alcoholic or addict, whether you use illegal substances or prescriptions, you will almost definitely need spiritual help from a twelve step program, such as AA or NA, if you want to stop drinking or using. This site, psychiatric care and church, are not adequate substitutes for the appropriate twelve step program. Although you may find some comfort from such resources, you will not get anywhere near their full benefit until you address your primary problem. You must first stop drinking and/or using.

If you want to know more about Alcoholics Anonymous or another twelve step program, I suggest you call them or check their web sites for local meeting information and then go to a meeting, listen, and speak to someone there about your problem. If you use other substances but also drink, I would suggest AA.

Once you stop drinking and/or using by means of a spiritual program and way of life as offered by AA or NA, you should find psychiatric, spiritual and religious help, including this site, to be more effective. I wish you success in your quest for sobriety.

When you notice that you are thinking negatively, try to stop the negative thoughts and if necessary, think of something positive instead. If you find yourself involved in a negative conversation, excuse yourself from the discussion or turn the conversation into a positive one. The awareness of your own negativity will open your eyes to the negativity of others as well.

Assuming that you want to be happy and peaceful, you will need to reduce or eliminate your negativity and become more positive. Simply by reducing your negativity, you will become more positive. Of course, you need to want to stop being negative. If you say that you want to be happy but you still want to be negative, then I believe that you are in for an uphill climb and I’m not sure how much I can help you.

This few-day exercise that I am suggesting is only the beginning and is intended as an opportunity to shed some light on your negativity. If you don’t notice any negativity in yourself in those few days then continue with your spiritual practice and try the exercise again in a month or so and continue this pattern until you become aware of your negativity. Maybe you are truly are a positive person and negativity is not one of your shortcomings. If this is the case, by this time you should now be quite aware of it Maintaining positive thoughts, feelings and speech is to be practiced over this lifetime. The more aware we become of our negativity, hopefully, the more unacceptable we will find it and the more desire we will have to eliminate it.

Certainly, a positive attitude and outlook on life will develop as a result of spiritual and psychological practice. But, as this exercise suggests, sometimes we need to consciously shed some light onto our shortcomings so that we can begin to work on eliminating them and improving ourselves. My guess is that the more positive you become, the less acceptable you will be of your own negativity and the negativity of others and you may not wish to socialize with negative people other than to help them and to be a positive example. I would love to hear about how you did with the exercise.

Your spiritual and mental condition should somewhat improve just by reading and listening to useful information by osmosis. We can read or listen to talks about spirituality and find them to be of great help to us without any additional effort on our parts, but don’t rest on this. There is much that we must consciously input into our lives through hard work and dedication. If you want to change, you’ll need to make those changes. You need to do the work. “Practice makes perfect” or perhaps I should say, practice makes peace and happiness

*When I refer to spiritual or spirituality, I am not necessarily referring to a Higher Power directly but am referring to anything that is good for our spirit or our being.

I understand that during times of such great negativity that you may not want to do anything to help yourself, that’s part of the negativity. However, if you have truly had enough of feeling this way then I would hope that you would have even the slightest bit of willingness to try. Have you ever heard the expression, “move a muscle, change a thought”? Regardless of whether you want to do this or not is not important, the important part is to do it. If your alone and miserable, perhaps you could find some people do be with. That may be the change you need. Maybe you’ve been around people all day and could use some alone time. Whatever it is that you’re doing isn’t working, so do something else, just be sure it’s positive and healthy.

Becoming a happy, peaceful and balanced person isn’t necessarily easy. This may come quickly for some and may take years for others. Changing such negativity may take a while but if you work at it by practicing the principles described in the posts on this site, I believe that you will make gradual improvements. Of course, this site is not the only help source available. Perhaps you’ll discover a religion that will be of great spiritual help to you as well or maybe you’ll benefit from some of the “helpful links” that I have included on this site. You may need some professional help as well, perhaps a good psychotherapist or psychiatrist, I am not a mental health professional so that’s just my opinion, but I know such pros can help. This is a process, a spiritual and mental journey, hence the sub-title of this site, “helping you on the path to happiness”. When we take a path, we leave one place and move towards another. The final destination of life is death so let’s not be in a rush to get to the end. Enjoy the journey while on this spiritual path, growing a little more with every step, becoming a little happier year after year until you’re gratitude is so great that it has the ability to bring you to tears. I was once too miserable to be happy or grateful, now I am too happy and grateful to be miserable and I wish you the same

Admittance is not the same as acceptance. It can be difficult for us to admit the truth at times, never mind accept it too. Quite often our greatest blind spots are within ourselves. How often do we fail to recognize a character flaw in ourselves only to have it eventually become visible? And when we do finally see it, don’t we then fight the fact that we actually possess this flaw? When we truly admit that we possess this fault, then we can begin to rid ourselves of it. Although you may be able to correct your flaw with only admittance, acceptance will bring peace and happiness to such a situation. We may not like something about ourselves and we may work hard to change that something, but that doesn’t mean we cannot accept ourselves just the way we are at that moment while still trying to improve.

You probably didn’t have much choice over the person you’ve become. I believe we are who we are based on the environment in which we were raised and our genetics. Once we become adults, it is our responsibility to change what we don’t like about ourselves. Maybe the way in which your parents raised you has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself today but now it’s your job to amend the damage. So why not begin by having some compassion for yourself? You are the way that your Higher Power made you. If you knew a loved one who was battling with his or her self-esteem and in pain as a result of this, would you not have compassion for them? Compassion brings understanding and love to a situation.

Now that you have your pros and cons list, it’s time to try to change those characteristics that you don’t like while focusing too on your positive attributes. Change for me typically comes slowly so try not to get discouraged. Becoming the person that you wish to be may be a lifetime of work. It’s hard for me to specifically tell you what to do to change as we all have different issues. I will continue to post on various topics that may help you with your particular issues. Again, you can work with a mental health professional. Many of your issues may be deep rooted and require years of self-examination before you are able to truly change. There are many self-help books and audios to aid with self-improvement which you can find online and at your local bookstore and library. There is, of course, this site and the comment format which can be used so that we can all help each other with our desire to be happy and at peace. I have found that talking with close family and friends and utilizing other local self-help groups to be quite effective. People help people not to feel alone with their problems, thoughts and feelings. I find it easier to accept a situation when I know that I am not alone in my dilemma. I have yet to find myself to be the only person in the world struggling with a particular issue. You are not alone!

Acceptance is the simple answer here to your problems. If you have the ability to simply accept the way you are, both the good and the bad, you’ll be at peace. But that’s not always easy to do without first doing a lot of work on yourself. It can be difficult to accept characteristics about yourself that you don’t like, but that’s the way it is with acceptance, isn’t it? It’s easy to accept those parts of our lives that are the way we want them to be.

To reiterate, compassion and acceptance are the answers for peace with oneself. If we want not only to accept ourselves the way we are but to also change those characteristics that we don’t like, we’ll need to work at it through the various aforementioned methods or whatever other source you choose to aid yourself in your search for self-acceptance.

*As with the rest of the information on this site, this post is not a substitute for professional psychiatric care. The information listed is simply a suggestion that may help you in your quest for happiness and peace. The information on this site is for use at your own risk. (Sorry, but disclaimers are unfortunately necessary in this day and age.)