Awareness is important for a couple of reasons. As I just mentioned, we need to be aware of what we want to change so that we can change it. Usually we do not want to change that which is good about us, but rather we wish to change that which we do not like about ourselves. These traits or behaviors that we wish to change may in fact be considered as bad by us or society or perhaps what we wish to change is just something that we don’t like about ourselves and may be neither good nor bad. Either way, awareness of what we wish to change is necessary.

Awareness is also important because many times we change just by becoming aware. For example, let’s say that you have an intimacy problem, of which you are not yet aware, and it has affected all of your close personal relationships. Every time you start to get very close to someone you begin to act differently, all of your faults begin to appear which ends up costing you the relationship. This is just a summary, of course So, you think maybe you need to talk to at therapist because for some unknown reason, you can’t maintain a close, healthy relationship and when you’re in one, you’re not happy. You start talking about your childhood and your relationships with your mother and father and through your talking and your therapist’s help, you become aware of the nature of these relationships and the feelings that they caused you then and now. You also begin to become aware of just how the relationships with your parents affected your relationships as an adult. Aah, you begin to see the connection very clearly and you find that your next relationship is different. There is a sort of freedom from the typical faults that used to arise in your relationships. And when you do notice any unhealthy behaviors, you can talk about them, because now you are aware of why you think and act in such ways, until finally, you learn to how to choose healthy people in which to have a relationship and how to have a healthy relationship with them. Sure, there will be some practice necessary to begin to have lasting, healthy relationships but the bulk of the change occurs as a result of simple awareness.

Here’s another quick example of how awareness can facilitate change. You get gas at the same gas station every week. You know there is another gas station across the street behind the trees but you’ve never gone there. One day you notice that the trees were cut down and now you can get a better look at the place. Wow! You notice that the gas is 50 cents per gallon less over there. It is a beautiful gas station, a good brand name and just across the street from the one where you normally get gas. Now that you have become aware of the cheaper gas across the street, does it really take much effort to change stations? The main reason for the change in gas stations will be the awareness of the lower price. Now that you are aware, it is difficult not to change.

So, you see, awareness is a key component to change. Sometimes awareness of the way things are is obvious and sometimes it takes some digging. But is important to be aware of the way things are, including us, not only so that we may change but because there is truth in awareness of the way it is and living true beats living a lie. We see the world and ourselves differently through our awareness and because of this awareness we are now different…we have changed.

I also realized that in some posts, where I don’t discuss an actual solution to a problem or a remedy for self-improvement, that I may only be creating awareness of the way things are, perhaps shedding some light on a situation which was not seen as it truly is. And sometimes this awareness is all that we need to change. It may not be necessary to seek other answers because the answer lies within the awareness. Let me give you some examples. I am guessing that most of you have never actually put your hand on a red hot stove and held it there for a couple of minutes. Sure, you’ve probably burned yourself many times but most likely, not on purpose and you now know what it feels like to be burned. So, you are aware that putting your hand on a red hot stove for two minutes would be an insane act, resulting in extreme pain, right? You know that you will be burned, yes? Do you need more answers or explanation or is just being aware that you will be burned enough? You’ve probably never jumped out of an airplane without a parachute either but simply being aware that if you did you will die prevents you from doing it. You don’t need any more information to prevent you from jumping, do you? Your awareness of what will happen to you is all that is required enabling you to act in a rational and healthy manner.

Just being aware of the way things are can, in many cases, be all that we need to change our behaviors. Once we see the truth, realize our motives and understand our actions, thoughts and feelings, we can begin to change. Don’t get too exited as more often than not, awareness is not enough and your awareness of reality is only the first step to change. Once we’re aware, the work begins, in which case I will try to provide specific actions to specific problems, but again, even though there may be certain things you can do to address a specific problem, the best results typically come as a result of a complete and balanced spiritual and psychological regiment.

If you are negative and critical, always complaining about something or someone, chances are that your problem is you, not everyone and everything. When I notice that I am complaining a lot, I have learned that it’s time to step up my spiritual practice. When my spiritual condition is not where it needs to be, I get negative and irritable and my acceptance level decreases. When I am not accepting of life on life’s terms, I am going against the grain. I am fighting the way life is. This make for unpleasantness and unhappiness, which is the exact opposite of how I wish to live life.

Most of the time when we are struggling with life, seemingly both inside and out, the problem is not that life stinks, but that we are unhealthy spiritually and psychologically. Again, some of us need to work at this more than others, but that’s OK, we do what we need to do to take care of our spiritual and mental states. We do not need to compare ourselves to others who are different from us but rather identify with those who are the same and make an effort to connect with such people as fellowship is a spiritual tool in itself.

As I’ve said in many posts, there is not one magic answer that will fix you. Healthy spiritual, emotional and mental states are a result of hard spiritual and psychological work and the process is typically gradual. If you believe that you are the problem or at least think it’s worth listening to me, then use this site as a tool in your quest for happiness. There are many forms of self-help and spiritual practice, many of which I discuss on this site. I hope that you will make the most of the resources provided here. I wish you peace and happiness.

This post is not intended to be a downer but to get us in touch with reality and hopefully help us to learn to try not to waste precious time arguing, fighting, stressing, complaining or doing anything other than making the most of this moment. It may not be easy to cherish difficult moments of life especially when we lose a loved one but even in such times, we can cherish the moments that we shared with that person and cherish our time remaining with our other loved ones.

At the moments in our lives when we are not dealing with the death of a loved one, we should have a much easier time cherishing the moment. We can be grateful for what we have and not allow life’s trials and tribulations to blind us from what is really important. It is so easy to get caught up in the frantic, stressed out pace of today’s world while not enjoying our blessings. In fact, we allow our daily stressors to make us unhappy and to come between the relationships that mean the most to us.

Maybe it’s not outside forces at all that are impacting our ability to treasure the moment but our own psychological and spiritual conditions. These conditions also impact our ability to handle outside stressors. So, whether you have many outside stressors or not, the answer is the same… take care of your spiritual and psychological conditions, remembering that life is short and to enjoy the moment.

Some of us may find it necessary to look back at our pasts, in therapy or some other way, so that we can learn why we possess certain deficiencies that seem to limit our happiness and well-being in this moment. We may be wired so that we require many spiritual and psychological practices to prepare ourselves so that we will be OK with this moment. So, if you are not presently OK with yourself, read the rest of the posts on this site and find a good psychotherapist or other mental health professional as you try to practice being aware of the here and now. This site is designed to help people be happy but you may not find every post helpful, at least not right away. If you are basically OK with yourself but could use some help being happier and more peaceful, then learning to be awake or aware in this moment should do wonders for your spiritual and mental states. Once you become accustomed to being aware of life as it is, you may discover a peace and contentment that you have never known.

There is a formal sitting meditation called Vipassana or Mindfulness Meditation. The type of awareness to which I am referring is similar but it is not practiced while sitting on a cushion but rather as we go through life. It is actually quite simple as all we need to do is to be with this moment as it is, not attaching any of our own thoughts or feelings to it, just simply being aware of it. This awareness includes being aware of our thoughts and feelings as they are in this moment. We unfortunately spend much of our time thinking of the past and worrying about the future which detracts from out experiencing so much in this life presently. However, such thoughts and feelings are actually happening in this moment, aren’t they? So, being aware of our thoughts of the past and future and their corresponding emotions as they exist in the here and now is also awareness of this moment. When we are aware of our mind and its thoughts and our emotions as they are in this moment, we are training ourselves to live in the awareness and not our thoughts and emotions. The more we practice being aware of our surroundings, thoughts and feelings as they are in this moment, the better we’ll become at it. The better we become at being aware, the less we will get caught up in the ups and downs of life because we are seeing life as it is through awareness, which creates acceptance of the way it is. We can learn to take refuge in this awareness by trusting in the way it is as opposed to attaching our selves and our desires to life thinking that we need to control it and shape it to our liking. Sure we need to make decisions and try our best to do the next right thing, but we only have so much control in this life. We often show aversion to the unattractive and unpleasant so even when your thoughts and feelings are painful or unpleasant, it is important to be aware of them as well. It is when we accept, not avert, that we find peace within.

Remember, if you are not accustomed to living in the moment, it may take practice before you get good at it. You may only have moments of awareness throughout your day, at first, as you may still be running and chasing after that which may temporarily satisfy you, paying little attention to life as it is. You may continue to live in the past and future in your mind and only periodically realize that you are not being with the present moment. But keep practicing. All you need to do is be awake in the here and now. Just be aware of what is happening now with the people around you, your surroundings, your thoughts, feelings and emotions as they are in this moment.

Most of us would say that I am sad, I am angry, I am in pain or I am suffering when we experience such feelings and emotions. Are feelings and emotions such as sadness, anger, pain and suffering original to each of us or are they shared by us all? It seems to me that feelings and emotions were here long before we came around and will be here after we’re gone. Why then do we make them so personal?

It’s that self of ours again that is causing all of our pain and suffering. I am not going to spend much time writing specifically about the self in this post but I do hope to get you to look at your feelings and emotions in a different way, a way that is not personal and associated with your self.

As opposed to attaching to your feelings and emotions by saying or thinking “I am sad or I am in pain”, try this instead… there is sadness, there is anger or there is pain. Feelings and emotions exist and we can learn to be aware of them without attaching to them and making them personal. It’s when we make them personal that we become upset. All feelings, thoughts and emotions will rise and cease, they are not permanent. Some will remain with us for a lifetime but they will change as well. It is when we can learn to watch the arising and ceasing of these feelings, thoughts and emotions without reacting to them and making them personal that we will experience emotional stability and peace. Continue to train your self by saying there is, not I am.

I have written many posts that pertain to awareness and the self that I hope you will find helpful. I recommend reading Pure Awareness, Emotional Stability in the Observer and Be Aware and Be at Peace, to aid you in your ability to be aware of your thoughts, feelings and emotions.

When you notice that you are thinking negatively, try to stop the negative thoughts and if necessary, think of something positive instead. If you find yourself involved in a negative conversation, excuse yourself from the discussion or turn the conversation into a positive one. The awareness of your own negativity will open your eyes to the negativity of others as well.

Assuming that you want to be happy and peaceful, you will need to reduce or eliminate your negativity and become more positive. Simply by reducing your negativity, you will become more positive. Of course, you need to want to stop being negative. If you say that you want to be happy but you still want to be negative, then I believe that you are in for an uphill climb and I’m not sure how much I can help you.

This few-day exercise that I am suggesting is only the beginning and is intended as an opportunity to shed some light on your negativity. If you don’t notice any negativity in yourself in those few days then continue with your spiritual practice and try the exercise again in a month or so and continue this pattern until you become aware of your negativity. Maybe you are truly are a positive person and negativity is not one of your shortcomings. If this is the case, by this time you should now be quite aware of it Maintaining positive thoughts, feelings and speech is to be practiced over this lifetime. The more aware we become of our negativity, hopefully, the more unacceptable we will find it and the more desire we will have to eliminate it.

Certainly, a positive attitude and outlook on life will develop as a result of spiritual and psychological practice. But, as this exercise suggests, sometimes we need to consciously shed some light onto our shortcomings so that we can begin to work on eliminating them and improving ourselves. My guess is that the more positive you become, the less acceptable you will be of your own negativity and the negativity of others and you may not wish to socialize with negative people other than to help them and to be a positive example. I would love to hear about how you did with the exercise.

How do you feel after you react to a situation with anger? Does anger make you feel powerful and in control or embarrassed and out of control or both? However anger makes you feel and whether you know it or not, anger is not conducive to peace and happiness.

We can be angry for a variety of reasons both past and present. We may have a great deal of anger inside as a result of how we were raised. This anger can be directed at your parents, at yourself, at other people or at the world in general. Many times our anger stems from our dislike of ourselves. When we are angry at ourselves, we take out that anger on others as well. Being angry can feel powerful, as if we are protected by our anger and in a way we are protected. It is difficult to feel other feelings when we are angry so if you do not wish to be hurt by others or the world, if you do not wish to feel other feelings, then your anger can act as a shield against those feelings. The problem with this philosophy is that we cannot feel all of the good feelings that life has to offer such as happiness, joy, peace, sympathy, empathy, compassion, gratitude and love, to name a few. Our decisions and therefore our actions will also be skewed by our anger. How many times have you made a decision when you were angry only to regret that decision once the anger subsided? Good decisions do not typically come from an angry heart and mind.

Those of you who are filled with anger will need to work at resolving your anger issues as reacting to situations with anger may be commonplace for you as you are angry most of the time. The information on this site can be very helpful in reducing your anger but you may also need psychotherapy to get to the root of your anger so that you can begin to heal. Or perhaps speaking to a pasture, rabbi or priest about what it is that is causing your anger may be helpful. There are many help sources that can help us get to the bottom of our anger and eliminate it and our outbursts.

There will be those of you who are not terribly angry most of the time and who are not using anger as defense but tend to react to certain situations with angry outbursts. You may also experience a powerful feeling from being angry but again, anger is not conducive to peace and happiness so why not learn to stop reacting in such a way? I’m sure many of you feel embarrassed and ashamed when you act or react with anger, especially in a public setting. What do you think acting in a way that elicits shame does to your self-esteem? When we behave in ways that we know are not right and cause us to feel bad, we lower our self-image and increase our anger towards ourselves and anger will just breed more anger. So, as you can see, this can be a vicious cycle.

We can work generally on our spiritual and psychological conditions which will naturally decrease our anger and increase our peace which should help to reduce our angry reactions. We can also make a conscious effort through awareness to change how we react to life. Once we recognize that anger is not good and that it only causes harm to ourselves and others, we are no longer acting out of ignorance so we now have a choice as to how we wish to act. We may continue to have angry outbursts despite that we are trying to change. It is important not to get down on yourself as change may take time and may be gradual, not immediate. What sense would it make to get angry at your self for being angry? Be patient but vigilant in your efforts. Remember how reacting with anger makes you feel and the next time you are in a situation and you feel that anger coming on, choose to react differently. Perhaps you can walk away, smile or count to ten. Restraint of pen and tongue goes a long way. There are many books as well that can help you learn techniques to better deal with your anger. I am a believer in gradual progress through spiritual and psychological practice and a good psychotherapist can do wonders.

Teaching and explaining forms of breath meditation, believe it or not, can consume many chapters in a book. This is my first post on mediation and this is a blog, not a book, so I will stick to the basics.

A meditation cushion and pillow are ideal so if you want to get serious about meditation, I would suggest you pick up a set. You could try www.dharmacrafts.com. You’ll at least need a soft area to sit, perhaps some pillows on the carpet and on top of that, a harder pillow, just large enough on which to sit and six to eight inches tall would be ideal. The idea is to put your but on the harder taller pillow while sitting cross-legged or in the lotus position. Because your but is up on a taller pillow, your knees should be below your hips. See the image which also indicates various hand positions. If you cannot get your feet up onto your legs, that’s OK, just do the best you can. Keeping your hips higher than your knees though is important to maintaining a proper, comfortable position. When we keep our hips above our knees and our shoulders back, not rounded forward yet not forced back too far, our body will better support itself and it will be much easier to maintain an erect posture. If you cannot sit cross-legged, get into a kneeling position, straddling the cushion of where your but will be. Then from there, bend your knees until your but is on the pillow. Your feet will be just to the sides of the pillow upon which you are sitting, just below the sides of your but.

You have the proper cushions and you know how to sit. Now you’ll need a quiet place… this is important. Setting a timer or pleasant sounding alarm clock for a predetermined time of completion is a good idea so you don’t sit and wonder what time it is and if you’ve been sitting too long or not long enough, as this wondering can interfere with your ability to concentrate. Now you’re sitting on your cushions, in a good a solid lotus or cross-legged posture with hips higher than your knees and you shoulder back. Now what?

Close yours and pay attention to the breath either at the tip of your nostrils or through the rising and falling of the abdomen. If you find it easier to pay attention to the breath as it enters and exits the nostrils, then focus on the breath there. You’ll notice not only inhalations and exhalations but also a space in between. Be aware of that space as well. If you connect more to the breath through the rising and falling of the abdomen, then pay attention to the breath in this way and again, also be aware of the gap between the rising and falling of the abdomen. This is all you have to do. Simply be aware of the breath. Do not try to manipulate or control the breath. As you are paying attention to this breath, you’ll notice that some breaths are short, some are long, some are abrupt and some are smooth. Do not try to alter the breath, just be with it as it is. All you need to do is to be aware of the breath either at the tip of the nostrils as you inhale and exhale or be aware of the breath through the rising and falling of the abdomen as you inhale and exhale.

Your mind will inevitably wander. This is normal, there is no need to beat yourself up about it. Simply know that the mind has wandered and bring it back to the breath. You will need to continuously return to the breath as the mind will continue to wander. The more you practice breath meditation, the more focused the mind will become and the less it will wander. You may notice progress very quickly or very slowly. Whatever your progress, that’s OK, that’s just the way it is. If you are aware that your mind wanders, that in itself is awareness of the way it is, which is wisdom. If you choose to beat yourself up because you can’t stay focused for very long, that is ignorance of the way it is. This ignorance is foolish and not helpful. All you need to do is to be aware of the breath and be aware when the mind wanders from the breath and bring the attention back to the breath.

This process of focusing on the breath calms the body and mind. Our thought process will naturally slow down, allowing us a chance to be with this moment without our thoughts carrying on with regrets of the past and fears of the future or how we don’t like ourselves today. We certainly cannot think these thoughts if we are focused on the breath. The more we can sustain that focus in meditation, the more peace we will experience during meditation. As we begin to notice how the mind wanders from one thought to the next during meditation, we begin to realize just how much our minds run on and on with thoughts that serve no useful purpose and we begin to experience what it is like to have all of those thoughts cease, as we concentrate on the breath. We can take what we learn in sitting mediation and apply it when we are not meditating. As our minds wander off at any point throughout our day, thinking of regrets, fears and other thoughts that are not conducive to our happiness and peace, we can bring ourselves back to the present moment so that we can be aware of the way it is now which will allow us to fully appreciate and experience life as it is. Life can be challenging enough at times in this moment, we do not need to bring in the past, future and whatever other thoughts that we conjure up that make being happy and peaceful in this moment difficult.

This is a very basic and brief meditation instruction, but should be more than enough to begin meditating. If you are new at meditation, then keeping it simple is good. If you have questions, please do not hesitate to ask in the comment forum.

In my last post, “Emotional Stability in the Observer”, I talked about the observer being aware of our thoughts and actions. Let me expound a bit on just how this awareness increases our peace and happiness.

It’s important to first understand why we experience discord and unhappiness. Basically put, when we don’t get what we want or we lose something or someone that we covet, we get upset in some way. We also get upset at the mere thought of losing what what have and not getting what we want. We’re not usually happy and peaceful while we’re upset as we are angry, afraid, sad, jealous, disappointed, etc.

Let’s look a little deeper as to why we become upset. We’ll look at this process from its end to its earlier stages. Whether we’re looking at losing something or someone that you have or not getting something or someone that you want, you cling to that which you desire. The clinging to that which you desire is a result of craving, your craving began with the feelings you had in relation to that object or person. You are feeling based on the contact you had with the object or person. The contact that you had is through sensory input from the eyes, ears, nose, mouth, touch and thought. The sensory input that you experienced could not be had without the physical body that you inhabit. And then, there is this consciousness or awareness that observes even the body and mind. Are you with me so far?

How much of our lives have been spent blindly chasing our desires not actually paying attention to our actions until we hit a wall of discomfort or pain and are left with no choice other than to finally stop and realize what we’ve done and feel the effects? Maybe feeling any type of unpleasantness is not for you so you’re off and running again, seeking more pleasure only to inevitably hit the wall of life once again, never truly experiencing anything other than material or sensory pleasures. Or perhaps you’re not a pleasure seeker but one who sits in his or her pain and misery, going from one unpleasant moment to the next reacting negatively to whatever life has in store for you, never experiencing happiness and peace. You might fit into some other personality or living style example but whatever your situation, you can continue this vicious cycle of discord and unhappiness or you can take refuge in awareness.

As explained above, we become upset when we lose what we have or do not get what we want. We’ve also determined that we cling to that which we possess and that which we do not want to lose. Awareness eliminates ignorance and allows us the wonderful opportunity to see just how we end up in the position of clinging. This clinging inevitably results in us being upset in some way as everyone and everything that we covet is impermanent. We will therefore lose all that we desire and that to which we cling, causing us emotional, mental and spiritual upset.

Once we become aware of all that precedes clinging, we can begin to understand, see clearly, slow down the process and choose not to cling to that which we desire. It’s that simple. Free from ignorance, we can now see that it would be wise not to cling to such desires as the inevitable result is pain and suffering. This does not mean that we do not feel, on the contrary, our feelings are now true, pure and free from fear. The fear I speak of is the fear of loss and the fear of not getting what we want. The lack of clinging allows us to experience life’s pleasures and our loved ones more fully and completely. We can now be aware of the feelings that arise when our senses come in contact with an object or a person and choose not to crave and cling but to truly experience that object or person as they are, free from the presence of our self-centeredness.

When we run blindly through life, from one sensory experience to the next, we miss out on many of life’s true pleasures and end up causing ourselves unnecessary pain. From the perspective of the observer, we can observe and be aware of the process that leads to clinging which leads to discomfort, pain or suffering. We just need to be aware of what is occurring within ourselves so that we can choose not to react negatively to life and choose not to cling to that which we desire as with clinging comes fear. Fear is a spiritual and mental detriment that only brings suffering to our lives and to the lives of those around us.

Awareness is here and now but can be improved upon with practice. If you are fortunate enough to be fully aware immediately, I would love to hear about it but for most of us, we will need to practice awareness. Please understand that the principles I discuss on this site are perfect ideals but will most likely never be perfectly executed by any of us.

I wish you peace.