We have very little control over much of what occurs in this world but we do have the ability to change ourselves and how we relate to the world and all of its phenomena. So you see, stress is simply created by our inability to cope with life with trust and serenity, and does not actually exist in this life other than within each of us.

Since life doesn’t actually force us to be stressed, as we have already determined that stress does not exist in the world other than within, it would seem as if we have a choice here. We can choose to be stressed or not. Hmmm, let’s see, do I want to feel happy and at peace or do I want to be stressed and miserable? I am choosing happiness!

So much of our pain is self-inflicted because of our inability to deal with life on life’s terms and our ignorance of the ways things are. Simply put, we can either accept life or not. With acceptance comes peace and happiness and when we fight the way life is we suffer. I am not telling you that it is always easy to accept life as it is, but it is the answer to peace, which is an opposite of stress.

Maybe your stress is a result of needing to work a lot to pay the bills and still not having enough money or having no time or money to take a much needed vacation. The answer to living stress free in such cases is still the same… acceptance. We need to accept our lot and not compare our lives to those who have more as that makes acceptance more difficult. Instead, look at those who have less than you and watch the gratitude pour in and the stress melt away. Hey, maybe you do need a break to keep your sanity. Part of living stress free also means that we need to know our limits and try our best to rest when necessary, allowing ourselves to take a break and do something fun. Remember, not everything fun and relaxing costs money. I am guessing that we can all find something to do to take care of ourselves that doesn’t require a lot of time or money.

Sometimes we need to make other life changes if we wish to live stress free. For example, if we cannot afford to pay the mortgage in a large house and this is the cause of our stress, perhaps we need to downsize. We can apply this philosophy to many of the material things in our lives as much of the stress people experience today is self-induced financial stress. So, if need be, remove yourself from situations that you seem unable to accept that are causing you stress, financial or otherwise and always recall the following prayer…

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.*

*A version of the Serenity Prayer adapted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve step programs which was based on Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr’s original version.

This purpose of this post is simply to let you know that you are not alone in your pain and suffering. We all suffer to some degree. This is a part of life and cannot be escaped by any of us. Some of us may seem to suffer more than others. Again, to use the Buddhist teachings for support, our suffering can be chalked up to karma. Buddhism teaches that our present lives are a result of our past actions and merits whether in this life or another. Whether you believe that or not, this is the Buddhist philosophy and can certainly help us to accept the hand that we were dealt and give us more reason to live Right, now and in the future.

I do know that accepting that there is suffering in this life, as opposed to fighting it, offers a sense of peace. I also know that when times are most difficult, I must work harder at developing and maintaining my spiritual condition. When I am spiritually fit, I am more equipped to accept life as it is which results in less suffering and more peace and happiness. Remember, you are not alone.

Is life complicated or do we just make it so? I believe life is much simpler than we make it. I am sure there will be many of you who are reading this saying to yourselves “life is complicated, what’s he talking about? He doesn’t understand all of the problems I have and they are definitely not simple problems.” If you are thinking along these lines right now or have had similar thoughts in the past, then I say to you, you’re complicating things

We can make life as simple or as complicated as we wish. Some people look at the glass half full and some will see it as half empty. Both views are correct but only one will result in happiness. Seeing our lives as simple or complicated is a similar choice. Which one will you choose? You do have a choice, you know? Sure, we can make our problems bigger and more complicated than they actually are which will surely strip us of our peace and happiness or we can choose to keep life simple.

So, just how do we keep life and all its problems and intricacies simple? Well, it’s simple, of course. I want you to try an experiment right now. Are you sitting? If not, sit. Where are you right now? Literally, where is your but? Look at your surroundings. Are you alone? If not, who is with you? What are you doing at this moment? I will assume that you are reading this post. So, that’s it. This is your life at this moment. What’s complicated about life at this moment? I am not saying that your life is easy but rather that it is simple. All we have is this moment, no more and no less. That’s it. That is all any of us have. How can you complicate this instant, this moment? Life is comprised of a series of moments so all we need to do is live in this moment, no more and no less.

“Yea, but I lost my job and don’t know how I am going to pay the mortgage” or “I have an illness and am very sick” or “I am getting a divorce”. If these or similar are your objections, then I will say it again, I am not saying that your life is easy but rather that it is simple. Even if all these things were true simultaneously in your life, the results of the experiment are still the same. Don’t make life any more difficult or complicated than it needs to be. Just be with this very moment right now. All of your problems may still exist but you can keep them simple by living in this moment as opposed to projecting negatively into the future. For example, “I lost my job and don’t know how I am going to pay the mortgage. I will be on the streets and my credit will be ruined. I don’t know where we will go”. Those may or may not be unreasonable thoughts, but right now in this very moment, does thinking in such a way help? All we can do is the next right thing and then we need to let go of the results and simply live in this moment. Be present to the task at hand as that is all we truly have. How sad it is that we lose so many moments because our minds are elsewhere.

Let’s take this one step further so that we can learn to be happy and at peace in this moment. Are you ready for the big answer? If you want to be happy and at peace in this moment all you need to do is accept this moment as it is. Are you calling me names yet? Listen, I understand that most of us will not be able to practice such philosophies perfectly and that it will most likely take time to develop such a practice. If we were able to hear such truths and immediately practice them with perfection then I wouldn’t need to post any other articles. All of the self-improvement & spiritual teachers would need to find something else to do with their time. So…we practice.

Most of us cannot simply accept life as it is at this moment with perfection which is why I have written many other posts on this site to help you in your quest for happiness.

There is a fine line between therapeutic talking and the type of talking that makes your problems bigger. I am walking a tight rope here, I know, as there are most definitely times when we need to discuss our problems in order to find a resolution. Perhaps you are the type that bottles up your feelings and emotions which results in other personal problems. Well then maybe you need to talk more. But maybe instead of talking about your problems, you rehash them over and over in your mind. Either way, talking or thinking too much about life’s problems, can make the problems bigger, not better.

How we talk about life’s problems also plays a role here. For example, talking to a therapist about our issues both past and present with the goal of improving ourselves is much different than talking or complaining, over and over again about your boss, your spouse, the traffic or the weather. Much of our talking or thinking about life’s problems is actually complaining and self-pity and just an overall lack of acceptance of life as it is, which is why I do not think it’s accurate to refer to such problems as our problems. Much of what we think is our problem isn’t a problem at all. The problem is our inability to accept life on life’s terms.

So, even when we’re not yelling, ranting or raving, we can be venting in ways that are unhealthy and that make the problem grow. This is the type of talking or complaining to which I am referring in this post.

Take notice when you’re talking. Ask yourself before you speak if what you are about to say is positive or negative. Ask yourself if it is therapeutic or in other words, is it helpful to your overall sense of well-being or are you just complaining or on the pity pot? You know, poor me, I was stuck in traffic for two hours. Poor me, I don’t have any money. Poor me, I had to work so hard today. Of course, we leave out the poor me in conversation but we might as well say that before all of our complaining…I mean talking. This type of talking is not helpful to our peace and happiness. All we are doing is making the supposed problem grow larger than it is and making its life span longer than it needs to be. In Buddhism, this is a form of Right Speech and as it is with so much of the principles set forth on this site, you will need to practice this. I wouldn’t imagine that you will immediately stop all talk or venting that is not helpful to your well-being. You will most likely catch yourself in the act many times saying things that you probably shouldn’t have.

Awareness, as usual, is the key here. Now that you are aware that much of your speech is not necessary or beneficial and actually causes you and others harm, you can begin to change. The more you practice Right Speech, the more proficient you will become. Think about how many happy moments we have lost because we felt it necessary to vent negatively. So next time you think about complaining or venting, stop it there and go about your day. Don’t allow yourself to lose another moment to negativity. The less negative moments means the possibility of more positive moments. This is all really very simple. See what happens to a problem that you thought you needed to talk about. Many times, I think you’ll find that it dissipates over time, perhaps an hour or perhaps a day. And if it doesn’t, if really necessary, you could always discuss the problem later in a positive, healthy manner. Instead of negatively complaining, you could talk about how the problem makes you feel and why. Now we’re getting into another topic so I will stop here. I wish you all the peace that comes from acceptance.

Above is the common, partial version of the prayer as written by its supposed author Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr.

Below is the version adapted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve step programs which was based on Dr. Niebuhr’s version.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer, when applied, will aid you in your quest for peace and happiness. The prayers can be used by anyone with faith in a Higher Power or God. The prayers do not need to be specific to a particular religion to be used effectively although the author was a Protestant. I’ll let the prayers speak for themselves.

We are the way we are for a number of reasons. We were born and raised by our parents, both of which were out of our control. As a result of this we have a specific genetic make-up, character traits, feelings, psychological and spiritual experiences and much more that has gone into making us who we are today. The points is, is that we do not have ultimate control over who we are, so these character and physical traits that we do not like about ourselves are not necessarily our fault and are not to be looked down upon, as we were born and raised into this form and that’s just the way it is. We can however change much of ourselves that we don’t like and that needs changing. As adults, our life is now our responsibility so I am not telling you to blame your parents for all of your problems, but if they did cause most of them, you can recognize that and begin to be the person that you believe you should become. But, during this process remember to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Accept who you are and realize that much of who you’ve become may have been out of your control. Even if you are fully responsible for all of your deficiencies, you can recognize where you went wrong, learn from your mistakes and change. Feeling a little regret may be a good experience but endlessly beating your self up serves no good purpose.

Metta is an important word used in the Buddhist philosophy. The following is a brief explanation of metta written by Venerable Acharya Buddharakkhita:

“The Pali word metta is a multi-significant term meaning loving-kindness, friendliness, goodwill, benevolence, fellowship, amity, concord, inoffensiveness and non-violence. The Pali commentators define metta as the strong wish for the welfare and happiness of others (parahita-parasukha-kamana). Essentially metta is an altruistic attitude of love and friendliness as distinguished from mere amiability based on self-interest. Through metta one refuses to be offensive and renounces bitterness, resentment and animosity of every kind, developing instead a mind of friendliness, accommodativeness and benevolence which seeks the well-being and happiness of others. True metta is devoid of self-interest. It evokes within a warm-hearted feeling of fellowship, sympathy and love, which grows boundless with practice and overcomes all social, religious, racial, political and economic barriers. Metta is indeed a universal, unselfish and all-embracing love.”

Metta is not only a way to treat and interact with other people and the world around us but should also be applied to ourselves. We will benefit greatly by having metta towards ourselves and as we learn to treat ourselves with kindness and love, accepting our faults and imperfections, so too will we learn to treat others and their deficiencies with the same kindness, love and understanding. We can be aware of that which we do not like about ourselves and work on changing that which can be changed while having metta. When you have metta, you will patiently and lovingly accept yourself. Certainly sounds better than aversion and judgment. In the spirit of metta, I wish you peace and contentment.

Let’s get even simpler. When we feel angry, we do not feel happy at the same time. Again, anger prevents us from being happy at the moment that we are angry. So, if we want to be happy at any given moment, it might be a good idea not to be angry

This is the simplest and shortest post I’ve written to date, but what else can I say, the point is simple. I will continue to discuss anger and its relationship to happiness in other posts that I hope will help to eliminate your anger. May you be happy and at peace.

We may try to control the lives of our loved ones and our intentions may be good. We may tell ourselves that we just don’t want to see anything bad happen to the ones we care about and we’re only trying to protect them. That may be true, but has that ever felt just a little unnatural to you at times? Did you ever feel too involved in someone’s life? You also risk having that person whose life you are trying to control, rebel against you and do exactly what you didn’t want them to do in the first place hurting themselves and you.

What about sickness and death of those we care about and ourselves? We have some control over our health but we do not have absolute control over it? We certainly have little or no control over other people’s health. Sickness and death are part of this life and these bodies that we have and there is nothing we can do about that. It’s just the way it is.

Instead of spending so much of our time and energy trying to control that which we cannot, why not just take care of ourselves and try to help other people without actually trying to control them? Wouldn’t that make more sense and earn us more respect from those unfortunate people whose lives we have been trying to control? Think about how much more peaceful you would be if you simply accepted that which you could not change as opposed to fighting. Because that’s what you’re doing when you try to bend and control life to suit your needs so that the Almighty You can have his/her way, you’re fighting. What do you think of that?

You may be familiar with the following prayer originally written by theologian Reinhold Neibuhr. You may be more familiar with the altered version adopted by AA but I have quoted the prayer in its original form, to the best of my knowledge.

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”

I wish you peace and happiness.

This is not that complicated. If grasping and a lack of acceptance of the way life is causes much of our suffering, then not grasping and accepting life as it is should relieve us of that suffering. Extremely simple, but simple and easy are not the same.

If we wish to be free from fear, we need to learn to let go of that which we covet. How do we do that? The first time I heard the phrase, let go, I asked myself, “let go of what and to whom”? I learned that I needed to let go of my will, my desires and my life to the care of a Higher Power. I first needed to have faith in a Higher Power before I could entrust my life to It, so this faith had to come first. I discuss finding faith in other posts and I have listed other sources that may help you with your faith on the Helpful Links page. You may also find assistance through various advertisers on this site.

Once you possess enough faith in a Higher Power or God if you like, you can begin to let go. You can let go in prayer and meditation and throughout the course of the day. Whenever you feel the desire to control someone or a situation that cannot realistically be controlled by you, let go and trust that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. When you feel afraid of losing someone you love or something that you possess, let go knowing there is a Greater Force in charge and that that Force is not you. Bringing such fear to our lives and the lives of others in not beneficial to anyone involved. Let go!

The more we learn to let go of our life and everything and everyone in it, the more peaceful and happy we become. Letting go doesn’t imply not caring or loving, on the contrary. The less fear we bring to a relationship with another person or to a situation, the more we can fully appreciate that person or situation as we are not influenced by fear. Our feelings and decisions will be healthy and pure. Our love and compassion for others will flourish and grow because we are not filled with self-centered fear. Take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Doesn’t this sound like a great way to live?

The truth of the matter is that happiness is an inside job and need not much be affected by outside circumstances. Granted there will be times in our lives that it will be perfectly understandable and acceptable not to be happy and smiling such as when a loved one takes ill or dies. We are human after all and to be happy every minute of every day may not be realistic. There is a normal grieving process that takes place when we experience loss but we can certainly lessen that grief and expedite our process by being spiritually and mentally fit. We can even be sad and cry while still maintaining our inner peace and happiness. Having a happy and grateful heart doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to be laughing on the outside. When someone dies, it should prove better for us if we can learn to celebrate their life, relishing the memories, while being grateful for the time spent together with them. Death is an inevitable part of life and it can come at any time. If we can accept this fact, we should have an easier time handling death when it hits home. Having said all this, although I have experienced the death of loved ones, I have never lost a child or a spouse, and hope to God that I never do. So my experience with death is thankfully limited. I made my wife promise me that she wouldn’t die before me

Major tragedies aside, when do outside circumstances affect our mood? Simply put, our mood is affected when we don’t get our way, right? Since much of life doesn’t go our way, if we let outside circumstances affect our happiness, we will often be unhappy. True happiness is, for the most part, not affected by outside circumstances. True happiness stems from having a grateful heart and accepting life as it is.

We don’t control much in this life, such as weather, the economy and other people. So, why do we let these circumstances and other people have an impact on how we feel? Doesn’t it make more sense to accept them the way that they are? Your emotional state will rival that of a roller coaster if you let life’s everyday ups and downs affect you.

I have personally experienced the loss of homes, a business, jobs and all of my money! Yet through it all, I remained happy and grateful. Accept what you cannot change and be grateful for all of the blessings that you have in your life and you cannot help but be happier. May you be happy and at peace.