The less self-centered we are or in other words, the smaller our self, the better we will relate and interact with others, for the most part. When we become bothered in some way by a person with whom we have interacted, it is a result of our self. I have written about this self in other posts but not so much about how it affects our relationships with other people. Can you see how your self-centeredness can play a significant role in your relationships with others?

One of the goals of this site through spiritual and psychological practice is to reduce our self-centeredness which will have a tremendous positive affect on our lives. I have written other posts about this topic and the one titled “The Cause of Our Problems” is a good place to start.

If we could eliminate this self-centeredness or self that we posses we would be able to relate to others and the world in which we live with kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and serenity. When we are disturbed in some way by other people or the way the world and our lives are unfolding, it is a result of our personal desires, ambitions or possessions being threatened. But what about that rude cashier at grocery store who disturbs you just because you don’t like his/her attitude? What desire, ambition or possession could they possibly threaten to cause you to be disturbed? Even in such a case, we are disturbed because of our self. When there is something about a person that rubs you the wrong way or you don’t like how someone treats you, that person is disturbing your peace and happiness. They in fact are not behaving as you would desire them to behave and as a result, they disturb you. So understand, that our desires may be subtle but they are many and can be almost constant, if you are very selfish

So, through the right spiritual and psychological practice, we can reduce our self-centeredness thereby reducing our sensitivity to that which may otherwise disturb us. When we reduce the self we are no longer so interested in what we desire and our personal desires will be replaced with outgoing kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and we will be serene. We will be in a place where we want to understand and help others as opposed to being worried about our own wants and needs. Coming from this place, can you see how a reduction of self-centeredness can help you to better relate and interact with others?

So just how do we reduce our self-centeredness? Most, if not all of the posts on this site are designed to reduce our self-centeredness through spiritual and psychological practice. There is not one in particular that I can recommend as this reduction of self is a process and will not likely occur immediately as the result of performing one task. I would suspect that you will see gradual results over time through rigorous spiritual practice. I will tell you that a good place to begin is by developing faith in a Higher Power. Much of our self-centeredness manifests as self-centered fear which is why we become disturbed when our desires, ambitions and possessions are being threatened. Simply put, we are afraid that we will lose what we have or not get what we want. Since faith in a Higher Power eliminates fear in general, it will also eliminate or reduce our self-centered fear, which constitutes much of our self-centeredness. Get it? Why not go do something for someone else today with no thought whatsoever of what you want? Much of our change occurs by acting our way into right thinking, not thinking our way into right acting.

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Tags: Relationships, Self, Self-centered