Do you like yourself? Are you happy the way you turned out? Do you wish you were different? Maybe you like yourself, for the most part, but you still possess a few characteristics that plague you. You can certainly try to change yourself to be more of the person that you had in mind but it’s likely that some of the old, undesirable, you will remain. So, what to do?
You’ll first need to take a brief inventory of yourself. Some of you may already be quite aware of what you don’t like about yourselves while others just know that they don’t feel good about themselves but have no idea as to why. You can do this internally or you can write down all of the characteristics that you do not like about yourself. This may not be easy to face but this is a good place to start. If you do not feel strong enough to do this alone, I suggest seeking professional help*. Once you’ve jotted down your cons, at least the way you see them, write down your pros, your assets. It’s important to review that inventory with another human being so, you’ll preferably need to find a person who knows you, who you can trust. If you don’t feel comfortable with someone you know, you could try a person of religion or a therapist. The reason for sharing this list with another person is so that they may bring another perspective to the situation. It’s my guess that many of your negative notions about yourself may only be in your mind due to a low self-esteem and not seen by others and you may not be aware of all of your assets. It’s also quite possible that a good psychotherapist or other mental help professional may better serve you. A few solid years of regular work with a qualified therapist may be just what you need to improve yourself and your life. But that’s up to you.
Admittance is not the same as acceptance. It can be difficult for us to admit the truth at times, never mind accept it too. Quite often our greatest blind spots are within ourselves. How often do we fail to recognize a character flaw in ourselves only to have it eventually become visible? And when we do finally see it, don’t we then fight the fact that we actually possess this flaw? When we truly admit that we possess this fault, then we can begin to rid ourselves of it. Although you may be able to correct your flaw with only admittance, acceptance will bring peace and happiness to such a situation. We may not like something about ourselves and we may work hard to change that something, but that doesn’t mean we cannot accept ourselves just the way we are at that moment while still trying to improve.
You probably didn’t have much choice over the person you’ve become. I believe we are who we are based on the environment in which we were raised and our genetics. Once we become adults, it is our responsibility to change what we don’t like about ourselves. Maybe the way in which your parents raised you has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself today but now it’s your job to amend the damage. So why not begin by having some compassion for yourself? You are the way that your Higher Power made you. If you knew a loved one who was battling with his or her self-esteem and in pain as a result of this, would you not have compassion for them? Compassion brings understanding and love to a situation.
Now that you have your pros and cons list, it’s time to try to change those characteristics that you don’t like while focusing too on your positive attributes. Change for me typically comes slowly so try not to get discouraged. Becoming the person that you wish to be may be a lifetime of work. It’s hard for me to specifically tell you what to do to change as we all have different issues. I will continue to post on various topics that may help you with your particular issues. Again, you can work with a mental health professional. Many of your issues may be deep rooted and require years of self-examination before you are able to truly change. There are many self-help books and audios to aid with self-improvement which you can find online and at your local bookstore and library. There is, of course, this site and the comment format which can be used so that we can all help each other with our desire to be happy and at peace. I have found that talking with close family and friends and utilizing other local self-help groups to be quite effective. People help people not to feel alone with their problems, thoughts and feelings. I find it easier to accept a situation when I know that I am not alone in my dilemma. I have yet to find myself to be the only person in the world struggling with a particular issue. You are not alone!
Acceptance is the simple answer here to your problems. If you have the ability to simply accept the way you are, both the good and the bad, you’ll be at peace. But that’s not always easy to do without first doing a lot of work on yourself. It can be difficult to accept characteristics about yourself that you don’t like, but that’s the way it is with acceptance, isn’t it? It’s easy to accept those parts of our lives that are the way we want them to be.
To reiterate, compassion and acceptance are the answers for peace with oneself. If we want not only to accept ourselves the way we are but to also change those characteristics that we don’t like, we’ll need to work at it through the various aforementioned methods or whatever other source you choose to aid yourself in your search for self-acceptance.
*As with the rest of the information on this site, this post is not a substitute for professional psychiatric care. The information listed is simply a suggestion that may help you in your quest for happiness and peace. The information on this site is for use at your own risk. (Sorry, but disclaimers are unfortunately necessary in this day and age.)
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