Anger, we all have it, some more than others, but little good ever comes from it. It’s an emotion, a feeling and a shortcoming that breeds more anger and hate and fear. Some of you may think that you need to be angry at times to accomplish certain tasks such as giving someone who deserves it, a piece of your mind! Maybe someone stole your car. Surely you have a right to be angry at them. But does it help?

Anger at times can be easily and rightfully justified. But that doesn’t mean that it’s beneficial to anyone. Let’s face it, we’re all just human beings, with all of our emotions and feelings, so we’re bound to get angry, it’s understandable. In any given situation, who benefits when someone is angry? Do you feel happy and peaceful when angry? If there is someone on the receiving end, does that anger help that person to feel good? How do you treat your loved ones when you’re angry? Think about the damage it causes. Does reacting with anger do any good? If you think you need to be angry to accomplish certain tasks, then perhaps it’s time to change. We can accomplish what we need to do without the anger. I am not saying you need be a pushover. We can say what we need to say and do what we need to do, we can be firm and we can set boundaries, without the anger. Try being angry and happy at the same time. Anger eats away at our hearts.

What about fights and wars or even a football game? Can’t it be beneficial to be angry when engaged in such a situation? If you consider beneficial to mean that you can hit harder and kill more without being killed, then I suppose the answer to that question is yes. Here’s a crazy thought….maybe we shouldn’t participate in situations that require us to be angry to succeed. *

When you react to a situation with anger, do you usually feel regret once you’ve calmed down? Have you ever been embarrassed at how you reacted while angry? Do you wish you were the kind of person who always maintains their composure, the calm, cool and collected type? Even if your anger is justified, aren’t you just adding to the negativity in this world? Besides, most of us think our anger is justified. So, do you want to react to situations with less anger?

The first step in changing something that you don’t like is to admit as much. Next you’ll need the desire or willingness to change and lastly you’ll need the tools necessary to facilitate change. I can help with the latter but the first two are up to you.

When you have some time to think, reflect on how you feel when you react with anger, recalling the unpleasant feelings that resulted. The next time you’re in a situation and you feel the anger coming, remember those unpleasant feelings that reacting with anger has caused you in the past. You may not immediately react differently but eventually, I would hope that you will see a difference in how you react to situations that used to make you angry. For me, this type of change comes more from me being sick and tired of reacting in a certain way rather than the method used to change. Maybe you’ll find other ways to help you learn how not to not react with anger. I believe that your admittance and willingness are the most important factors here.

Another way that I have learned not to get angry is to have compassion and understanding for others. Many times we may react with anger towards other people. You’re probably not as embarrassed when you get angry when you’re alone but when you react with anger in the presence of another person, those feelings of regret may loom large. So, since other people’s words and actions instigate our anger, putting yourself in that person’s shoes should prove to evoke compassion for that person. Maybe they are having a bad day. Perhaps they have a sick loved one at home or they are going through a divorce. Instead of letting them make you angry, smile and treat them with kindness and understanding. Many times you’ll leave them smiling too.

This next anger remedy is more of a cumulative affect of spiritual and psychological practice and right living. Why do we get angry? I’ll need to write many more posts on anger as it is a broad topic, but for the most part we get angry because we’re self-centered. We get angry when someone or something upsets some part of us or our self. Faith in a Higher Power comes into play here as the more faith we have the less we rely on self and the more accepting we are of life. Acceptance brings serenity, not anger. Also, the less self we have the more we are able to focus on understanding others needs. When we are trying to understand others, we are not thinking of ourselves. Therefore, the less self we have the less there is to upset and the less angry we get. Get it? This reduction of self is a process which I will continue to write about.

This last suggestion is a simple but effective one. Smile, it’s hard to be angry when you’re smiling.

* The types of situations to which we react with anger, to which I am referring in this post, do not take into consideration real tragedies that may occur in our lives. The type of justified anger that we may experience as a result, is not something in which I am comfortable writing.

If you have deep rooted anger stemming from your childhood, you may need some psychotherapy to rid yourself of such anger. I’m not a metal health pro, so that’s just a thought.

Tags: Anger