This post lists some basic child raising philosophies. The format of the post is a bit unusual in the sense that it is in the form of a letter written by someone with a child, to someone who was to care for the child, from time to time. I think the premise of the letter is a great idea and the points made are even better. I have changed the name of the child in the letter to protect the family’s anonymity and edited it slightly so as to better suit the format of the post. If this post helps so much as one child have a healthier, happier upbringing, then it will be a success.

You may need to discipline Billy somewhat since he is at your house without us at times. So that you may better understand & apply the same principles while he is in your care, here’s the way I want Billy to be raised, keeping in mind the methods must be age appropriate.

I do not believe in punishment for most, if not all people, I believe in consequences. I want Billy to learn that there are consequences for his actions in this life.

I do not want Billy to grow up afraid of anything. He can learn to be cautious & wise in situations where he can be harmed but he does not need to be afraid.

I want to encourage him to learn to do the right thing not because he is afraid to do wrong but simply because it is right. I want him to learn that doing right feels better than doing wrong. I believe that living in this way will build more character & self-esteem than simply not doing things for fear of repercussion. It’s an overall more positive way to live.

I do not want him to be afraid of me. I hope he respects me, not fears me. If he is afraid of me then I am doing something wrong.

I do not want to yell at him & most definitely, hitting or spanking is completely unacceptable. Violence & anger breeds violence & anger. I do not need to yell or act in anger when teaching him right from wrong, proper manners or giving him a consequence for his actions.

I want him to be aware of his actions & learn to apologize & make amends when wrong. He, perhaps more importantly, needs to know how proud we are of him & is to be praised for behaving well.

Acceptance is the way to peace and happiness and the answer to our problems. We must try to convey this to him not just with words but more importantly by example. He can learn to freak out, cry, and get angry, scream, yell, etc. when something does not go his way or he can learn to accept life as it comes with serenity. There is no better way to teach this than by example. So, please try not to react negatively, in anger or hostility around him when something doesn’t go your way or for any other reason. By acting in such ways, you would only be teaching him to cope with life in the same manner.

Please do not freak out if he spills something or dents a wall. These are not things worth being upset about. I want to teach him to be neat, clean & take care of his things but I want him to know that these sorts of material concerns are not what are most important in this life & are not worth being upset about.

I want him to be around positive, happy people and energy. Example is one of the greatest teachers. He is a child and any negative behavior he is exposed to can affect him for many years to come. I hope this helps.

Tags: Behavior, Child Raising, Kindness, Relationships