As I touched on in the post titled Letting Go, we become afraid at the thought losing what we possess or of not getting what we want. In other words, when we don’t get our way we become afraid or upset in some way. So, what might you do when you find yourself in such a situation? Do you smile and accept the way things are or do you try to control the situation or other people so that you can keep what you have or get what you want? Which way do you think might bring you peace and happiness?

The problem here is that we’re powerless over so much in this life that many times when we try to control a situation to suit us, we fail. Not only do we fail but we expend a great deal of energy and time trying to control what is out of our control. What do you have control over in this life? Can you actually control another person? Can you make that person do what you wish? Sure, you can influence people but when it comes down to it, can you force them do what you want? Your boss, kids, parents, neighbors and spouse, all have their own wills and do not need or want, in most cases, to be controlled by someone else. It’s not natural for human beings to be controlled by other human beings. It goes against the natural order of life. This is why people rebel after a while under someone elses control. Other people are involved in some way in many of the situations we encounter in this life, so trying to control such situations means having to control other people. Do you see the dilemma here?

We may try to control the lives of our loved ones and our intentions may be good. We may tell ourselves that we just don’t want to see anything bad happen to the ones we care about and we’re only trying to protect them. That may be true, but has that ever felt just a little unnatural to you at times? Did you ever feel too involved in someone’s life? You also risk having that person whose life you are trying to control, rebel against you and do exactly what you didn’t want them to do in the first place hurting themselves and you.

What about sickness and death of those we care about and ourselves? We have some control over our health but we do not have absolute control over it? We certainly have little or no control over other people’s health. Sickness and death are part of this life and these bodies that we have and there is nothing we can do about that. It’s just the way it is.

Instead of spending so much of our time and energy trying to control that which we cannot, why not just take care of ourselves and try to help other people without actually trying to control them? Wouldn’t that make more sense and earn us more respect from those unfortunate people whose lives we have been trying to control? Think about how much more peaceful you would be if you simply accepted that which you could not change as opposed to fighting. Because that’s what you’re doing when you try to bend and control life to suit your needs so that the Almighty You can have his/her way, you’re fighting. What do you think of that?

You may be familiar with the following prayer originally written by theologian Reinhold Neibuhr. You may be more familiar with the altered version adopted by AA but I have quoted the prayer in its original form, to the best of my knowledge.

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”

I wish you peace and happiness.

Tags: Acceptance, Control, Fear